Scrapple Photojournal

Some of my twitter pals (hi @Kimananda!) were asking about scrapple, and seem mystified by this simple ground-pork sausagey delicious thing, so i thought i’d take some pics since i was frying up a bit of the stuff and share for their edification and entertainment.  photos after the break!

Dok Holocaust Reviews: tonite’s True Blood

Finally, Bill the Vampire grows a pair, Sookie gets Care Bear Stare powers, and Jason Stackhouse with a chainsaw!  WOO!

needless to say, this episode made me happy.  Jason Stackhouse taking up some powertools and fighting off the Zombie Hippie Orgy People made my night.  I knew there would be no Bon Temps Chainsaw Massacre, not after the way Jason used a paintball gun as a nonlethal way to thwart Steve Newlin.  He’s a nice guy, and not inclined to hurt people needlessly.  I like him.

Sookie’s little blast of care-bear-stare energy at Maryann was also welcome.  it seems like when she’s pissed she can do more than read minds, or something about her innate mojo makes her the anti-Maryann.  I desperately want a cat-fight between these two, and as long as it is not written by whoever did Sookie and Bill’s dialogue for the previous few episodes it would be very entertaining.

i also love that the zombie hippies can be easily diverted with video games.  a trip to Best Buy should render them manageable while people figure out how to stop Maryann.  After sookie’s little burst of luminescent bitchslap, I can’t help but think it involves the words “Care Bear STARE!“  Hoyt, Jessica, Sookie, and Bill will use the power of their awkward romances to drive the filthy hippies from Bon Temps, with special effects by Industrial Light and Mojo.

or not.  Still.  glowy bitchslap was a nice touch, and I’d like to see more of it.

Also:  Jason’s light show to confuse the zombies and save Sam?  Comedy gold.  I am so glad the Stackhouses are back in Bon Temps.  It’s just the right environment for all the entertaining qualities of these characters to really shine.

overall a good episode.  more like this, less lame couple-talk between Sookie and Bill.

whuzz yer fayvrit cheez?

Hedcheez da clown, he know how to juggle, an Hedcheez da clown know how to make a whole zoo o baloon varmints. he kin do a yoyo reel nice too like a spider on acid, but whut Hedcheez da clown duz best is a seekrit. he dun do it for tha Kiddeez. not da ones anybody gonna come lookin’ for at least. what hedcheez da clown duz best is COOK. he larned all the good old-time recipes. Hedcheez the cliwn can make barbecue, if you can wait for it. he can make chitlins so good youll slap yo mama. but his spesh-ee-ality, now, you kin guess what that is. so tender. so juicy. as long as folks dont come lookin…

an his fried chikkin is pretty good, too.

Dok Holocaust Reviews: tonight’s True Blood.

The Dallas misadventures have, I think, finally wrapped up.  Eric finally made his move on Sookie, Godric has met the sun, and Eric the Viking Vamp cried.  It was because hsi father-brother-son Maker, Godric the 2000 year old progressively minded phenomenally powerful vampire, had decided to commit suicide, so it’s okay, it in no way comprimises his vampire-asshole cool or his Viking tough-guy image, but it does reveal that there is a heart under that leather jacket and scheming grin.  I approve.

And the way he looked right at the audience and smiled when he tricked Sookie into sucking his nipple?  I also approve.

I do not approve of Vampire PR Lady.  She doesn’t fit.  It has been previously established that unless there’s some past history between the two, a vampire will be deferential and respectful to their elders, but she treats Godric like he’s a child when the reactions of everyone else in the room suggest she does not have the seniority to get away with it.  She thinks that being a TV personality gives her the right to be a bitch.  I so want someone to stake her or feed her to Maryann the Minotaur Woman or just give her a good hearty smack.

Thankfully, before she could piss me off much, things get back to Hoyt and Jessica.  Dorky guy trying to get out from under Mom’s apron.  Sweet girl trying to cut loose and have fun for the first time in her life.  It’s adorable, and doled out in delicious little nuggets.  The briefness of these romantic interludes is very important.  A little at a time will make them a welcome addition to the series, like nibbling on Halloween candy until it’s past Thanksgiving.  Too much at once, though, and it would be sickening like eating the whole bag of candy at once.

Also, why is it that when Eric uses extenuating circumstances to get Sookie to drink his blood so can he always find her, it is being an asshole, but when Bill did it back in Season one (he could have done that vampire-dash thing and carried her to an emergency room) it was being heroic?  Bill’s nice-old-fashioned guy veneer is starting to crack, methinks.  He’s had Sookie hopped up on his own V-juice for nearly two full seasons now, and she is as under his spell as Tara is under Maryann’s.  Since Eric doesn’t hide the fact that he’s a manipulative asshole while Bill conceals it under his old-timey southern-gentleman schtick, I disapprove.

Sam learned a new shape!  And Detective Belfleur is getting used to seeing him naked at odd hours.  I got a good chuckle out of that.  Vastly approve.

Maryann in general: vastly disapprove.  Yes, she’s the major villain this season, and we’re supposed to dislike her because she’s trashed Sookie’s house and the whole town of Bon Temps, but I’m just plain old tired of her magic hippy bullshit.  She says she wants an absence of control, but she vibrates orgasmically whenever she is controlling the minds of a large group of people.  That seems like a fondness for control, to me.

Any conversation between Sookie and Bill:  vastly disapprove.  these two cannot talk with each other like normal people.  It seems forced and cheesy like a 5th grade school play.  Bill and Eric can talk together normally.  Sookie can talk with just about anyone else in a normal manner, and never seems to shut up, but given how brain-addled she is from all the V-juice she sucks out of Bill (and, tonight, Eric) she doesn’t really have anything substantial to contribute to the conversation.  She’s like Tara’s mom, but V-juice is her whisky and Bill Compton is her Jeebus.

Tell ya what.  Sookie Stackhouse: vastly disapprove.  the show would be better without her.  That twitchy paranoid telepath guy from the hotel is a much more interesting character.  Kill Sookie and let him provide the mind-reading when it is needed to advance the plot.

character concepts

i got invited to play in a game of Changeling: the Dreaming, a tabletop RPG from back in the day I always liked.  I wrote up some character concepts to email to the Storyteller, to see what would fit best in their campaign.  the characters i came up with wound up being a deranged family of murderers.  here’s what I wrote, as i figured it was cool enough to share. the dad is based on Patrick Bateman, of American Psycho.  the others are purely my own creation.

Pa: P. B. Massacre.  Sidhe Grump.  house somethingfromtheshadowcourtbook

backstory:  spent his childhood growing up at family estate raised by emotionally distant parents who were mainly there to teach him to be ruthless and use their vasty wealth to keep any of his… er… incidents with the maids/cooks/neighbors from reaching litigation. harvard business school, then wall street, retired at 35 with enough money to hold for a lifetime or two.  always had a habit of killing prostitutes, vagrants, small dogs, and the occasional business rival, eventually met a woman with similar inclinations who really brought out the best in him, as he likes to put it, and this was his Chrysalis.  she has since moved on to prey upon an absentee husband who owns a few small islands, but their separation is kept amicable by the fact that they both know what figurative and literal skeletons are in each others’ closets and have some DNA from their ex on ice in case the cops need something to compare the evidence with.
likes: chainsaws, roto-zips, and the taste of human heart blended with ice and vodka.
dislikes:  anything less than the most expensive of everything.
assets:  mostly real estate.  the old family manse is his favorite quiet place to think, and he has various apartments under assumed names for pursuing his hobbies.  stock, too, mainly a big chunk of GE because GE owns big chunks of everything else.  financed a horror movie based on his favorite novel.
parenting strategy:  PB believes he is better than everyone else in a natural-selection sense of the word, as is his ex-wife.  It stands to reason that his children may also be superior, so he gives them a lto of leeway.  they can do whatever they can figure out how to get away with on their own, and he is happy to finance their schemes within the limits of their allowances.  like anything that is the best, though, they must be subjected to rigorous stress-tests to PROVE their superiority, and if they break… well… they’ll either learn to be more durable or he can make another one.

Eldest Son:  Kenneth Bell “Cannibal” Massacre, sluagh wilder
backstory:  always kept at arms length or farther by his parents, but quickly learned that the best way to thrive in the Massacre household is shut up, watch, learn, don’t ask questions, and never talk about anything.  childhood was comfortable, but still slightly creepy, especially when his high school graduation present was his own apartment with a surprise inside:the foulest school bully, who’d dropped out a couple years ago, bound in duct tape.  and also a chainsaw. Ken had watched horror movies on his father’s knee as a boy and knew what was expected, and also had scars to remind him of what happens when you don’t live up to your parents’ expectations.  Suprisingly, he didn’t turn out a redcap, but his parents love him anyway.  He’s going to college off and on, studying literature and criminology intermittently and taking semesters off to get “field experience,” dreams of writing a book that will make other people more like his family.  oddly enough, he’s not as outright murderous as his father, preferring instead to mess with people’s heads.
assets: the stuff in his apartment. horror dvds, some serial killer murderobilia, sensible car.  most of what he has access to is in his father’s name, so he is very keen on staying on dad’s good side.
likes: encouraging suicidal people to finish themselves off, horror movies, hanging out with his dad.  black metal (his one rebellion against PB, who prefers 80s pop)
dislikes: emo kids, any loud abrasive noises other than black metal (which he can turn on and off as desired), Ma Massacre (for leaving)

the wee one: Texisse Cheyenne “Chainsaw” Massacre, nocker childling
backstory: the cute adopted one, like on a sitcom.  Ken and PB found her squatting in their summer place in the hamptons.  PB was not happy about this.  some brat had bypassed his security system, picked interior locks in the house, helped herself to the food, and made some crude explosive boobytraps to deter anyone trying to join her in the house.  Anyone else would have been killed and eaten, but someone who can make a bomb and bypass an electronic security system is more valuable alive, even if she was a smelly half-feral runaway with no recollection of where she’d come from.   oddly enough, she’s adapted well to her adopted family.  she’s the least homicidal of the lot, having never intentionally killed anyone, but is by far the most destructive given her predilictions.
dislikes:  the :”NOT IN THE HOUSE” rule, what happens if she tries to break it (casts are no fun even when daddy draws all over them after and teaches you how to hide a knife inside it), not getting what she wants.
likes:  access to Daddy’s toolshed, all the fun science projects he comes up with for her (“let’s see what chemicals dissolve a dead body the fastest!), explosions, fire, the SAW franchise, what daddy lets her do to people who don’t let her get what she wants (other than Daddy, because that breaks the NOT IN THE HOUSE rule)

the thing that has been stuck in my head all day.

from about 9:42 forward.  NOW SHITS YOUR PANTS!

also, that steel-drum-joy-division cover thing i linked to earlier.

Furniture I would buy from IKEA

the ikea SKELETN

ranting on Twitter

Yes, I use twitter now more than my blog.  here’s a bit of a rant I tweeted partly from Barnes and Noble’s new free wifi, partly from home after i fled the store.  read it from the bottom up.

Dok Holocaust Reviews: The Collector

Short version:  With visuals heavily derived from early David Fincher movies and a script by people marginally associated with the SAW franchise, I expected relatively little, but was pleasantly surprised to get more than I expected.  the traps are clever and gruesome without being too complicated, the required amount of nudity is satisfyingly provided, and if it wasn’t for the annoying music and the david-fincher-wannabe cinematography this would actually have been a really solid home invasion thriller.

SONS OF BASTICHES!

those fuckers want to make a PG-13 movie out of LOBO!  LOBO!  fraggin’ LOBO!  The Main Main!  the big beefy space-biker with heavy-metal-hair who works as an intergalactic bounty hunter!  He of the drinking binges, colorful language, and disemboweling people with a big fraggin’ hook!  due to the Comics Code (which DC comics voluntarily follows – many indie publishers ignore the fuck out of it) Lobo uses colorful near-profanities like Frag and Bastich rather than the profanities we mere earthlings know and love, but just because he doesn’t say Fuck and Bastard/Bitch doesn’t mean he can’t get an R rating for gratuitous violence and nudity (yes, he did spend some time as a busty woman in one of his many appearances)

those bastiches