Today I had a day full of surprising gross-out moments. really disgusting stuff. So of course, I have decided to share it with you all. I will be kind and place it all after the break.
Caution: the remaining text of this post contains frank discussion of bodily secretions in an office environment. If you’d rather not read it… aww. fuckit. We’re all adults here.
The Day of Disgusting started in my cubicle. I’ve been getting over a bout of bronchitis lately, and sometimes I still cough up a bit of mucus. It’s finally the healthy white stuff rather than infected green, but it still comes up over the course of the day, and there i was, in my cube, the phone able to ring at any time, with a mouthful of lung-goop and no napkins to facilitate an office-friendly disposal.
it would be several minutes before I ould turn off my phone and run to the bathroom, so I figured I’d just man up and swallow it. I took a big gulp of soda to kill the taste of lung-goop and figured that was the end of my troubles until I could restock on napkins.
Sadly, I was to learn that swallowed mucus has a way of coming back to haunt you, one way or another. Later that afternoon, I had just left the bathroom at the start of my lunchbreak, and emitted what I thought was a fart. Just a fart in the hallway, nothing spectacular. Maybe a bit of a bubble, but that’s fine. A wet fart. nothing serious. but then the bubble wasn’t popping. it was just… moving, and remaining its original size. not good.
so i ran back to the bathroom, cloistered myself in the stall, and there, in my skivvies, glistening up at me from my tightie nighties (I wear black undies), is that loogie from earlier. Not a trace of brown jenkins on it. no dingleberries, no fecal matter at all. just pure mucus. Apparently, swallowed loogies make a beeline for the butt. I had no choice at this point but to wipe the goo from my undies
Thankfully, everything had dried before lunch was over, but the gross-out day was not over yet. At the grocery store tonight, I caught myself enjoying an Avril Leviigne song.
Tags: avril levigne, gross, illness, mucus, shart, upper respiratory infection
October 8, 2008 at 10:46 pm |
Oh dear god, you are in BAD SHAPE.
It’s the toxins. As you heal, your body tries to get them outta you any way possible. But sometimes some end up stuck in the brain and sending you skewiff.
October 8, 2008 at 11:13 pm |
to be honest, I’ve liked that song for years. can’t quite say why. it resonates with my inner angsty 14 year old girl.