Doktor Holocaust: found a meme he hasn’t done yet

at least, I think I have.  I was beginning to suspect that I’d done every meme in the blogosphere, but i found one I don’t recall filling out before, and figured that since it had been a while, I should do one for old time’s sake.  it is the 35 things meme, and it is after the break.

1. Never in my life: will I move in with a girlfriend.  I probably won’t even bother having a girlfriend again, in all honesty.  too much stress and expense for too little reward.  I’m perfectly capable of stroking my own ego and anything else in reach, so have no real need to go a-courtin’.
2. When I was five: I was never five.  I’m a replicant sent to replace the original Doktor Holocaust after he was Ruptured up to the pleasure-ships on July 5th, 2008.  I came into being at 27 years old.  the orignal Dok, Dok 1.0, was never five either.  he was already nine years old when he hatched from the Void Egg laid by Vampira Holocaust, Queen of All Undeads.
3. High School was:  like a job, except they don’t pay you until you resign.
4. I will never forget: to forget to remember anything incriminating.
5. I once met: a whole bunch of great people like Priestess Pisces, Ivan Stang, Modemac, Comma Door, Lord Cyclohexane, Reverend Xanatos, and others, and I will meet them again next year around the same time with any luck.
6. There’s this girl I know who:  I used to have a crush on, but that was a long time ago, and I’m prettysure she thinks I’m just some internet-kook to get entertaining conspiracy-blather from on occasion.
7. Once, at a bar: fuck if I know, I don’t go to bars.  when I am drinking, I drink at home, so no matter how intoxicated I get I don’t need to call a cab.
8. By noon, I’m usually: in my cubicle, doing work.
9. Last night: I slept the sleep of a contented phrenologist.
10. If I only had: an extra arm and a spaceship with an infinite improbability drive
11. Next time I go to church:  will be next July, and the sex-goddesses will rupture ME onto the pleasure-ships, and I will replaced with Dok Holocaust 3.0, a replicant of a replicant, and thusly a little farther removed from the original.
12. What worries me most:   I do not worry.  I merely procrastinate until the best possible solution is the only one left.
13. When I turn my head left, I see: the holy Excremeditation Chamber and butt-scrubbin’ stall.
14. When I turn my head right, I see: books!
15. You know I’m lying when: I’m conscious.
16. What I miss most about the eighties: the B-52’s are still around.  Devo is still around.  PeeWee’s Playhouse is on DVD.  Everything I liked about the 80s is still around, so I’m all set,  bring on the FUTURE!
17. If I were a character in Shakespeare, I’d be: Doktor Zombie Holocaust, corrective Phrenologist, called upon by the Queen of Denmark to cure her crazy son Ham-sammich  of his delusions by way of traditional, holistic blows to the head with a large mallet.  might give Ophelia a few whacks too, for good measure.
18. A better name for me would be:  Unsettlingly Chipper Misanthrope
19. I have a hard time understanding:  why people have a hard time understanding me.
20. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: shake them down for all the money I paid into their institution for a useless degree.
21. You know I like you if:  that’s classified.
22. If I ever won an award, the first person I’d thank would be: me.   hell, the first TEN people would be me, then a batch of thankyous for the voices in my head, then my parents, and “Bob” and HP Lovecraft and VALIS and Crom and Anton LaVey and Mr. Rogers.
23. Take my advice, never:  have a phone-sex operator for a roommate.  they’re noisy as hell.
24. My ideal breakfast is:  served to me at noon by robots, and includes coffee, chocolate milk, scrambled eggs, bacon, and other assorted manifestations of meat and egg.
25. A song I love, but do not have is:  wha?  i have itunes.  I have all the songs I like.
26. If you visit my hometown, I suggest:  wait, the town I live in now or the town I am from?  for the town i am in now, i suggest leaving.  it sucks here.  i am only staying because of my job and bills – once I get some of the bills paid off, I will start looking to transfer somewhere else.
27. Why won’t people: unquestioningly submit to my will?  all I want is either their money or their unquestioning obedience or, in rare occasions, their flesh flayed off and deep-fried for my consumption.
28. If you spend the night at my house: you will be hit with a bowling ball and deposited in the dumpster, because I like my privacy and therefore do not like people spending the night at my place.
29. I’d stop my wedding for:  my own good.
30. The world could do without:  humans.  and hippies.
31. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: vote.
32. My favorite blonde is: wha?  i do not understand the question.  you mean a person i like with blonde hair?  umm… this older lady at work, she’s a smoking, drinking, cussin’, hard-partyin’ octagenarian who may or may not have been escorted out of Dollywood by security guards (or tried to get escorted out so she could grope the security guards).
33. Paper clips are more useful than: well it depends on what you’re trying to achieve.  for marking spots in books they are more useful than those little adhesive tabs.  for making little works of inmate-art in your cubicle they are okay, but a straight length of bendable metal would be better to start with.
34. If I do anything well, it’s: ego-inflation, self-delusion, and goofing off
35. And by the way:  I shoulda gone to bed a half hour ago but i got distracted by stuff.

Tags: memes, subgenius, zaphod beeblebrox